So I sit here and contemplate another birthday with my mum in spirit.

I have developed a beautiful relationship with her which truly transcends life on earth. We talk, we chat and signs present everywhere which have helped me to know our relationship is strong and lives forever.

Yet I still long at times for her physical presence, I still long for her to walk up the pathway and for her to be here and hug me when I need one.

It is strange at times for it to be like this. Yes, we have such a wonderful relationship yet I still ache for her to physically be here with me.

She has taught me so much since she transitioned to her new life, a life I can only imagine. She has helped me embrace the frailties of being human, to express myself fully which has enriched my life as it is now, to embrace the confusions and perceptions I always just accepted, and to get to know myself as a more whole and beautiful person.

In some ways it is like her death has re-birthed me and I have become a child again. It’s like my sensitivities and awareness have opened my heart allowing me to express myself more fully.

This has been oh so hard in many ways because I had been living my life based on perceptions of me I had embraced as a toddler and child, and then continued to embrace as a teenager and young adult which manifested into me as an adult.  

My relationship with myself and others throughout my life has been based on these perceptions, and in all honesty I’m standing right here right now saying these perceptions are not true. These perceptions are false and as I get to know me better I can honestly say that I am Love… and that is all that really matters.

I have sat with my own pain and suffering and sobbed my heart out so many times. I know I will be doing all that again. What I have found each time I have gone inside of me and sobbed through my pain is that Love is always waiting on the other side of my tears.

I am so proud of me. This journey is not easy. However, I know it is the only way for me, and I know my mum is right there beside me encouraging me every step of the way.

Thank you mum. I’m right here too and together we walk the path of Love.

Jude xoxoxo


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