CONTENT WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS INFORMATION THAT MAY DISTRESS SOME READERS.
Lack of remorse
Are narcissists and psychopaths mentally superior like they think they are? People high on the narcissism spectrum are free from guilt, remorse and shame. They don’t beat themselves up for doing a bad thing or being a bad person. They don’t harbour niggling doubts that maybe something they did has harmed another person. They just don’t care.
Maybe a hundred times a day, they lie to themselves and others to appear innocent or virtuous and implicate a scapegoat (often the kindest and best of people). This lying and reversal of blame has become second nature to them over the years. The uncomfortable processes of atonement and contrition are places they simply never visit. The harm they do is always someone else’s fault.
When a narcissist or psychopath senses they have harmed a person they rely on for supply, they most often revert to the love-bombing that secured the target’s loyalty or love in the first place. There might be very public displays of gifting, praising, flattering, celebrating the target. However, privately (covertly), this public display is usually accompanied by undermining of the target’s confidence or reputation. This complicated dance in lieu of an apology is easy for these accomplished manipulators.
Different brain chemistry
Their brains are wired differently. They have reduced capacity for experiencing fear or anxiety. It is easy for them to manipulate others by using persuasive coercion (enticing a naturally co-operative person) or aggressive coercion (using threats or emotional blackmail). This wiring means they are also more likely to take risks, which garners them lots of praise in contexts like business or sport.
Inexhaustibly charming, they accumulate fans, enablers and staunch allies more easily than the rest of us. These so-called ‘Flying Monkeys’ or fans, create a human firewall that protects the narcissist’s massive ego. Human parasites, they easily seduce hosts who will keep food in their belly and a roof over their heads without them having to conquer their inbuilt laziness. They find ways to have most of their needs met most of the time by those around them.
Empathy deficit
Extremely low on affective empathy, catastrophic events and the suffering of others have little effect on them. They are unlikely to suffer compassion fatigue, burnout or PTSD. Using and manipulating the ‘lesser beings’ around them is gratifying. Destroying lives, reputations and careers is gratifying to these predatory humans. Even more so if the target of their destructiveness is high on competence, strength, talent or virtue. Such people represent a threat to the narcissist’s ego.
Prideful of their ability to lie, steal and defraud, many the high-functioning narcissist moves through life without detection. Any threat to their higher and higher standing in society is easily discredited. Their victims, traumatised by their entanglement, disappear into the undergrowth, having realised that trying to expose a psychopath will only result in further damage to themselves. This makes a clear path for the psychopath’s climb to the top. They frequently occupy positions of authority, power, celebrity and fame.
Manipulative
The mind-games played by narcissists are remarkably similar to the sinister techniques of brainwashing:
- Making the target question their identity (by gaslighting).
- Inviting the target to indulge in substance abuse.
- Making the target feel ashamed or guilty by relentless hyper-criticism of minor flaws or mistakes.
- Isolating the target from allies.
- Driving the target to complete ‘nervous breakdown’ – a crisis in mental health.
- Offering themselves up as the target’s only hope for recovery and salvation, reframing their harmful behaviours as ideal and virtuous and creating ‘trauma bonds’.
Awareness of the scourge of narcissism and psychopathy has risen greatly over the last decade. None of it makes for pleasant reading. But those affected by such people recognise the descriptions immediately!
As this article might show, psychological ease does not equal moral superiority.
Nicki Paull
DipArts, DipCouns, GCertCouns, MBus(HR)
This article is an adaptation of the original that first appeared here.
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How brainwashing works. (Accessed 9 Sept, 2024). HowStuffWorks. https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/human-brain/brainwashing.htm#pt3
Domestic violence cycle. (Accessed 9 Sept, 2024). Relationships Australia Queensland https://www.raq.org.au/blog/domestic-violence-cycle
