We have all experienced, in one way or another, the betrayal of trust — and it hurts. Whether by family, friend or foe, this kind of violation makes it hard to trust others again and it instead becomes tempting to build walls and shut people out. However, this is no healthy way to live and will only hinder your relationships and contribute to feelings of loneliness and unfulfillment. If you want strong, deep and connected relationships, trust is an important part of that, as well as key to a meaningful life.
You can learn from your past experiences and move on from the heartbreak. You can choose to not let other people’s untrustworthiness affect your ability to get close to others. Here are ways in which you can learn to trust again:
-
Take it one step at a time.
If you have just come out of a traumatic situation where you were badly hurt or your trust was violated, it is important that you take it slow. You won’t be able to trust quickly and fully after a betrayal, and that is completely understandable. Be patient with yourself and don’t pressure yourself to give more than you are able. Trust, and healing, comes with time.
-
Discover the source of your trust issues.
It may be wise to understand the root of your trust problems and how it has affected your relationships and sabotaged potential ones. Helpful considerations include the kind of family you were raised in as well as your friendship circles growing up. Sometimes, we unconsciously repeat harmful behaviour patterns in adulthood, but with invaluable advice and therapy, we can re-learn healthy ones instead.
-
Give your trust slowly and wisely.
Be cautious with people and watch their actions before deciding to trust them or not. If they treat others unkindly, talk about people behind their back or are unpredictable and unreliable, it is likely that they will treat you the same way sooner or later. Listen to what your intuition is telling you and pay attention to what trustworthy people have to say about that person, too.
-
Set boundaries.
Learn to say no to negative people and be wary of who you allow into your life. If they don’t share the same values and qualities you hold or live a lifestyle that you know to be harmful for your well-being, keep your distance from them. This also includes letting go of people who are constantly breaking your trust. Be protective and vigilant of your heart space.
-
Believe yourself worthy of trust.
You may not be able to control other people’s actions, but you can control how you react to them and how you think about yourself in the aftermath. You can choose to act with integrity, honesty and allow your heart to remain open to the possibility of meaningful relationships. You can also choose to practise compassion by understanding the flawed humanness of people and that even good people make mistakes sometimes.
Building deep connections with people and living a life with meaning requires trust, not only of other people but of yourself. Have confidence in knowing you will manage and be okay when people disappoint you and recognise that there are benefits to being a trusting (but not naive) person. By taking things slow, setting healthy boundaries and following your intuition, you can and will attract trusting, respectful and loving relationships.
Marie Miguel has been a writing and research expert for nearly a decade, covering a variety of health- related topics. Currently, she is contributing to the expansion and growth of a free online mental health resource with BetterHelp.com. With an interest and dedication to addressing stigmas associated with mental health, she continues to specifically target subjects related to anxiety and depression.
