If someone becomes a parent, it does not mean they lose their identity and immediately forget who they are. Being a parent is an extremely responsible role that takes much time, energy, and nerves. However, a parent is still an individual with his own peculiarities, dreams, and needs. Here is an example story of one mother, Suvi Mahonen, who is telling how to find one’s identity in parenting and shares her own mistakes.
The night that had changed everything was not the best in Suvi’s life. That late night Suvi was staying in front of the sink full of dirty dishes and could not believe her eyes. She was awfully exhausted, and this picture in her eyes made her irritated. She shouts at her husband how he could forget to wash the dishes. This was his job as Suvi was preparing for the Rhyme Time where she was indented to go the following morning together with her little daughter. The packing took all her evening, and that was her husband who was supposed to do the washing-up.
Suvi’s family had recently moved to a new city and this was additional stress after receiving stress of becoming parents. Having become parents, Suvi experienced the sleep deprivation, no free time and lots of different chores that never met the end. There was a tension between Suvi and her husband, and they felt like they are far from each other though they were raising the same child. The only feeling Suvi experienced to her husband that night was hatred. She deeply and strongly hated her husband and could not help to do something with this.
Suvi was staying there and yelling at his husband. Then her hand rose without asking and hit the man. Suvi stayed in a shock. She had caused the pain to the love of her love. Her husband said: “You are not you. You are a different person”. That was a night that changed everything in their relationship. Suvi was pondering if they are only one family with such problems or others found it also difficult to go through the changes after having a baby.
The following day Suvi was going to Rhyme Time. She was sitting in the tram and sincerely hoping to meet new friends in the city she had not anybody that she knew. When Suvi appeared in the building, she found herself in the crowded library. She moved to the back and sat on the bench, unpacking her supplies. One mom quickly smiled at her and went away not saying any word. Suvi’s daughter wanted to climb blocks and began to cry, and the young mom let her do it. When everybody was taken their seats, Suvi noticed that her spot was taken by another lady with a small son.
Suvi only wanted to collect her stuff, but the woman asked: “Was it your place?” Suvi had experienced confusing feelings at that moment. The old her would definitely let the woman sit but the new she was tired after the sleepless night, clumsy and the one word she was able to say was: “Yes.” The woman smiled and stood up going back on the aisle. When the program began, Suvi suddenly saw the same women and was ashamed. The woman was sitting on the floor, and Suvi noticed the thing she did not notice when they were talking: the woman was pregnant.
Suvi was burning from the shame and could not understand how she did not notice that. The words of her husband were staying in her ears: “You are not you.” After the end of the program, she immediately found the woman and apologized. Her apology sounded awkward, but the woman was not angry at all. She smiled and suggested a cup of coffee. They were sitting at the café, trying to talk and constantly distracting on their kids.
Suvi returned home after all. The day in the library ended, and she was staying looking at the window. Her daughter was tired and fell asleep. Her husband was not at home yet, and she was waiting for him. Suvi was watching the sights of the big city and thinking about changes that happened to her. Then, her husband came and said he apologized for the previous night. But Suvi understood, that was she who must ask apologizes. She felt that she missed her husband and she wanted to be her again. Suvi wanted to find again her identity and stop losing her temper just because it is hard to be a parent. She must remind herself that she is still a woman, a wife, and a friend. Suvi realized that besides being parents, they are a couple, two people who loved each other. That was the moment that marked the new beginning of her life.
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