2016 Community Cup write up
My attempt at covering a game of football. Make this what you will
I wake at 10 to a text from Miriam saying street bar at 11:30. I got the call up so that’s were I gotta be.
I walk to the bakery to get me and my housemate Cath and I breakfast. Meat pie for me, onion pie for her. As I walk out the bakery Tim Rogers walks past me. He’s wearing a beautiful light coloured suit and hat. Tells me what a glorious day it is for a game of football and tells me he’ll tell me his Turbo Negro story when I see him next.
Walk home, give Cath her pie. She’s off to the game to with mates of hers. I walk down to the street bar for further breakfast. On the way i see Garth and his mate shaving a BBQ outside his place. I already love the community spirit is see going on. I arrive at the bar late. Miriam is there as is Jack and Georgia. Jack wearing one of his army coats that i love, and Georgia wearing a beautiful full length red dress.
The group is on the Gordons gin while i start with a Canadian Club dry. It is a beautiful day, and I say something like we’re living the dream. Gabe walks past and says his gotta work, bloody shame that. Rosie comes by then we are joined by Geoff the Viking and Juzi. The usual traffic problems go on in front of us as is that comes with the end of the trams stop on Acland and Barkly. We discuss the tram stop proposal and what will become of the village Belle.
Miriam Jack and Georgia head to the game with Juzi and Johnny join us. Johnny says what did i tell you last year about the scarf combo. He called me a cunt last time, then again, several people did. Sigh. About 12:30 we walk to the ground. Love Johnny’s red flannie and he tells me it’s from France, for free. Walk to the ground, and there’s a fucking line again. A bloke on an acoustic guitar is playing American Ruse. Really?
No one should lover MC5 on an acoustic guitar without a permit. Thinking I’m going to be in line for ages, some bloke ushers me Johnny and Juzi as we don’t have bags. Run to the bar naturally. Johnny grabs me a beer, I forget what it was. Johnny, I owe you a drink next hook. See Rosie and Georgia at the ground, and Mikey, I’ve always got time for him. Top bloke. We discuss the art of record shopping for a long time, talk about our mutual love of Poison City and Heartland Records.
I tell him I recently brought the new Bob Mould LP and he tells me about a local act called Terry. Leaping Larry L walks past, one of the best creative minds this country has to offer is here. Look forward to his call as always. Mattie O walks past asks how I am. I always look out for the Matts. Toorak Mick stops by, as does a fellow on crutches. Two of my faves, Fiona and the hardest working muso in St Kilda Jack Howard are here.
Think Fi said something about the scarfs. Ross Wilson does his reworking of Eagle Rock. I liked Daddy Cool but I ain’t big on the original, this is very good. JVG walks past in a very nice white suit. He tells me not to talk to loud as he has mic in hand. Pauline Bailey says hi and thanks for the zine.
I look at my watch and confirm at 1:16PM I break the seal.
Mikey and i got for a walk round the ground. Someone comes up and rubs me sideburns and its Amy, one of me favourite people ever, my Ralph Steadman. Amy just got back from holiday told me I gotta do it. Said she didn’t regret a cent or second. She’s with Ruby and introduces me to two of her former co-workers.
So, good to have Amy back in the country. I see Gaz from Hell walk past but he don’t hear me. I’m a bit said as i don’t see any of the Collingwood quorum of Jackie, Pete Rob, and the Rockdogz President Fred. I get a text from Mr President saying his in Gravy’s rehearsal and asked me to keep him up to date with the score. Liz walks past. She tells me my scarfs are wrong is saw there right. We disagree but it’s all good. Game starts, Dogs get the early advantage, i need to leak again. No line thank god.
Quarter time Dogz lead 18 to 8. Biggsy says line of the day when he refers to last year’s margin as like beating Old Yeller. Leapster reminds us to keep real dogs on leashes, and says Biggsy would prefer kids on leashes, Biggsy says something about breeders. Seriously, why hasn’t Leaps, Biggs or Ruari been in the mix to replace Denis Cometti? DON’T GIVE US LUKE DARCY OR BT. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T.
Second quarter i go for a walk to the Pure Pop end, as Bernie Carr has called it, which is the scoreboard end. I see Lucian, always great seeing him. Simon from the Interceptors and his lovely wife Jane greet me with friendly hello as always. Simon gives me an Interceptors badge, very thoughtful. Waz comes around, like me he thinks why isn’t there this many people seeing live music every week in Melbourne.
In the beer line Geezer is there, as is Ciaran. He got me onto a writer called Andy Mitten, my new favourite soccer writer. He don’t approve of the Collingwood scarf but i said I gotta support the team. He agrees and we separate on that note. I see a lady named Deb, who refers to me as Anne’s mate, I refer to her as Anne’s mate too. Half time, i text the Rockdogz president, Dogs up 37 to 10.
I inform the president, he replies with go dogs! Gravy’s are up by 110 go Gravys! As I walk round the ground I see Liz again, and see Polly. She tells me of how she got a photo of her dog with Tim Rogers. I see Mikey and chat with him again, Tim Rogers winks at me but does not approve of the scarf combo. I hear the band playing but to occupied to notice.
I catch up with Miriam again, and see a bunch of my favs round, including Garry (who took a pic of me), Evan (wearing an old Roys jumper), Adam, Cat Denis, Deb, Rich, Jo Gay, Jen who has a pies ball with her, geez i wish i could have a kick today. One of my favs Teagan is here to, she asks if I had a chance to listen back to the interview we did, I say yes and say it was brilliant. See Ciaran again. Again, in the drink line, which is where I’m going. I lose track of how much I’ve had. Fiona takes a photo of me behind the bins, the Jack asks for Fi to take one of us. I’ve been asking rock starts for photos all my life so it’s kinda call a world class rock start like jack asks for one with me. I see a lot of my friends wearing Russian hats, did I miss a memo or something on that. See the great man Dave Moll chatting with Greg Macainsh from Skyhooks, and Paris is here too.
Game starts again, Leapster at one pint says person passes to person. Leapster also brings up funny call from Steven Quartermaine, something about how the better team will prevail. Me mate Stacey gets plenty of it. He should be in the AFL, both for his skills and personality. We need 20 blokes like him running around, some real characters. I’m at the bar and see Tim Rand, tell him i got a new gig, also see Brett and Sarah and Johanna, all three-top people. Speaking of top people Bernie Carr greets me with hello cunt. Love him. A cheerleader says I have the wrong scarf on it turns out to be Anna and see Olga for the first time, also a cheerleader. Missi comes by and says hi. Fuck I suck at reporting football. Janet from another Planet comes around in her Tigers jacket. She says can’t drink CUB beer as they underpay their workers. Pack of pricks they are. Then i realise i would die if I didn’t drink Melbourne Bitter, thank god, it’s not on sale here, this other beer which I can’t remember. Tina and Steve say hi, i go to the toilet twice, one time Johnny smiles and says something i forget and second time James Young is ahead of me, like the sideburns he’s growing. And its game over. I text the Rockdogz chairman – Dogs up easy 63 to 30. I get onto the president and he replies Yay! Gravy’s up 200 to nil, aarrrggghhh. I love doing our Mark E Smith impersonations, especially in text form.
Andy and Kylie are here, say hi. Rohan Connolly is here to present the Steve Connolly medal, then Regurgitator hit the stage and that’s my line to leave and walk to Winnebago for the Large Number 12s. I see Andy on the way tell him where I’m off to. Glenn o texts and asks for the score. As I walk in the Largies are playing Like a Rolling Stone, it’s a packed house as i expected. I go straight to the bar to see the Rockdogz president Fred and congratulate him on the teams win. He tells me the Gravy’s rehearsal was a success and we clink glasses. Then Anne walks over, always rad to see her. She hates the c bomb. Me too, although for me the c bomb is Carlton. Outta respect to Anne i won’t say her version of it anymore in this article. Well maybe once more. Lewi comes around. The Largies play the Billy Miller submarine song i love. Fred says when the sheep go down. Think i like that version better. Marty’s here to, and half the cup crowd are here too. I walk outside to have a fag and i bump into Nigel again and he tells me of a cassette he gave Marty, it’s a Motley Crew tape but inside it’s not the one advertised on the cover. Gold. The other highlight of the gig was Billy Pommer Jrs drum solo. Amazing gig, now off to dogs Bar, but should prob go home. A stuff it. Arrive at Dogs, Viv and Sally are there, they ask if there will be a write up of the day. We’ll see i guess. The two awesome owners Gavan and Sonja greet me as they always do, Gav telling me better luck next year. Bernie is here too, wearing a Collingwood shirt and Megahertz scarf, could i love this guy anymore?
MARTY Nigel and I discuss MASH, the Tuttle episode rings a bell, Anne comes and joins the table, and Tina and Greg are here. I see a pic of the commentators getting a medal, fucking good on em. I think i discuss politics with Joanna, I can’t talk out it when I’m sober what chance i got when I’m pissed. Marilyn is here now. And I remember Jo Gay saying to me on Friday Richmond hates Collingwood, and i say haven’t they always? What’s changed?
A lady comes up to me and says something about me looking like a werewolf, and she’s a vampire and something about butting my neck. A werewolf and a vampire, don’t know about these inner species couples. But each to their own a guess. Like Mick Malthouse (cunt, sorry Anne) I go one club to many and pop into the Neilson. Miriam, Bridget, Catie and Teagan are all here. Girl named Rachael here too. I think i told her i do a comic instead of a zine. She asked to be in it, i think. At this point I’m as pissed as four Shane McGowans. Need to go home, i don’t even know what time it is. Rachel, forget what i said to you but feel i need to apologise for being in your ear, so sorry love. On the walk home Dave leaves Lost and plays me a song from his new band Them Rumblin’ Bones. Look forward to seeing them live. I get home eventually.
