You are no doubt aware of the stereotypical scenario of divorcing ex-spouses being at each other’s throats, spitefully trying to undermine one another and be the ‘winner’ of the exchange. There is a certain degree of inherent fascination with this kind of situation, as ex-lovers become bitter enemies who often can only find middle-ground when it comes to the care of any children they may have raised together.
While the idea of exes battling it out in court is somewhat romanticised in the public psyche, that kind of situation is actually less commonplace than what popular culture would lead you to believe. In fact, while there is definitely resentment and animosity in many separations, most adults tend to opt for a negotiated settlement where they can wind up the marriage on their own terms, without any pesky interference from the state.
In reality, the family court system really only exists to provide a bureaucratic framework by which cases that can’t be negotiated are handled. Judge-mandated parenting orders and property divisions are the last resort when it’s impossible for disputing parties to agree.
What is divorce mediation?
Just because parties can’t agree on a private settlement doesn’t mean it’s time to give up hope of an out-of-court settlement. Divorce mediation is a specialised process conducted by trained professionals that seeks to connect disputing parties on an equal playing field and work out a meaningful resolution.
This process is led by a trained mediator who has proven their abilities in alternative dispute resolution (ADR). It is their job to establish their neutrality and help both sides reach a mutually agreeable compromise.
Even the most hate-filled splits that involve issues like infidelity have been resolved relatively amicably via divorce mediation. This is because the mediator is skilled at helping both parties understand the mutual benefit of taking practical steps that will give both of them the chance to move on with their life.
Advantages over going to court
Divorce mediation’s primary advantage over going to court is that it is much, much less expensive and stressful for basically everyone – including the judge. Nobody really wants to preside over a courtroom battle concerning family issues that could have been resolved privately, and often involve a lot of awkward subject matter (cheating etc).
A courtroom hearing, no matter how civil it may appear, is based on a confrontational mindset that pits one ex-spouse against the other. It inherently sets out that there will be a winner and a loser, and this only enhances the animosity and vindictiveness of both parties as they are left thinking “if I’m not aggressive and spiteful, they will be”.
This mindset that the court system traps people in causes dangerous assumptions to be made and slows down the entire process. On the other hand – divorce and family mediation is a far superior option.
Divorce mediation goes out of its way to establish that it is NOT an adversarial process and that the whole point is to get disputing exes to cooperate, specifically for the benefit of both parties and any children they may share. This is why mediators are so valuable as professionals – they are able to get people who are in a low-point in their lives to see the light at the end of the tunnel and work together to reach it.
In summary, divorce mediation is superior to going to court because it saves you money, time and stress. There’s no reason not to at least attempt divorce mediation before you consider spending big $$$ on a court battle you may walk away from empty-handed.
