For many people, Christmas brings joy, family gatherings, and long summer lunches. But for those who’ve lost someone they love, the festive season can also bring a quiet ache. There’s an empty chair at the table, a familiar laugh missing from the room, and a gift no one needs to buy. Traditions that once felt comforting can suddenly feel painful, and the cheerful messages everywhere can make grief feel even more isolating.
There’s no right way to grieve at Christmas, and no rule that says you have to feel festive. Many families find, though, that gently including their loved one in the celebrations helps. Small rituals of remembrance can turn sadness into connection. Some families hang memorial Christmas ornaments on the tree each year, creating a quiet, meaningful way to keep that person part of the season.
Give yourself permission to feel
Grief doesn’t take a holiday, and the festive season can intensify emotions. Anniversaries, music, food and family traditions can bring memories flooding back, sometimes when you least expect it.
It’s okay to feel sad, angry, numb or even guilty for enjoying moments of happiness. Grief often comes in waves, and laughter may come alongside tears. All of these feelings are normal.
Be kind to yourself. You don’t have to say yes to every invitation or keep up every tradition. Do what feels manageable, and let others know what you need.
Create a ritual of remembrance
Rituals can provide comfort and give grief a gentle place to rest. They don’t need to be elaborate.
Hanging a memorial ornament is a popular choice. It might feature the person’s name, a photo, a meaningful symbol or simply a design that reminds you of them. Each year, placing it on the tree becomes a moment to pause and remember.
Other ideas include lighting a candle at Christmas lunch, setting a place at the table, sharing a favourite story or toast, playing their favourite carol, or cooking a dish they loved. Some families write messages to their loved one and place them in a special box or hang them on the tree.
Involve the whole family
Children grieve too, though they may express it differently from adults. Including them in remembrance rituals can help them process their feelings and feel connected to the person they’ve lost.
Children might enjoy decorating a memory ornament, drawing pictures, choosing a song or helping prepare a favourite recipe. Talking openly about the person, sharing happy memories and answering questions honestly can help children understand that it’s okay to remember and to feel sad.
Older relatives may also appreciate the chance to share stories and memories, helping younger generations learn more about family history.
Adapt traditions when needed
Some traditions may feel too painful after a loss, at least for a while. It’s perfectly fine to change things. You might celebrate at a different location, try a new activity, keep things low-key or create a completely new tradition.
Over time, many families find a balance between honouring old traditions and creating new ones that reflect their changed circumstances.
Look after yourself, and reach out to others
The festive season can be busy and emotionally draining. Make time for rest, gentle exercise and quiet moments. Spending time outdoors, walking along the beach or in a park, can help. Lean on friends and family who understand. If you’d rather spend part of the day alone, that’s okay too. Let people know so they can support you in the way you need.
If you know someone who’s grieving this Christmas, a small gesture can make a big difference. Send a card, invite them to share a meal, mention their loved one by name or simply check in. Many grieving people say the hardest part is feeling that others have forgotten. Acknowledging their loss shows you care.
When to seek extra support
Grief is a natural response to loss, but sometimes it can feel overwhelming. If sadness is affecting your ability to function, sleep or eat, or if you’re having thoughts of self-harm, reach out for help. A GP, counsellor or grief support service can provide guidance. In a crisis, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or emergency services on 000.
Christmas after a loss can be bittersweet. But by finding gentle ways to remember, adapting traditions and allowing yourself to feel, you can keep your loved one close while still finding moments of peace and connection during the festive season.
