A weekly box-hit of new Melbourne events, Maddawgs and stuff.
Your weekend Danny – Racism, Jackie Kennedy and How To Be Straight. The Comm Cup AFTER PARTY
Sprink is being her usual self
The Sprink Weekend Update
Maddawgs
This is Danny. Born and raised in Melbourne’s posh burb of Brighton, he was the only ethnic in the village. He moved to London last year and.. well, aside from a handful of ppl, you Sprinks are the first to see him out the closet.
A brown boy in White-ton, how racist did you get it in primary school?
I got called Osama Bin Laden’s son and had tennis balls thrown at my head. I was fat, with black hair, a monobrow, chicken pox scars and ate ethnic food for lunch which they called poo. My dad was the school’s grounds-keeper so yeah I copped it.
Yet your fam was richer than any of theirs?
My grandparents are one of Lebanon’s most wealthy and influential families. Growing up, Mum had a different maid for each chore, went to boarding schools and travelled Europe all the time. Aristotle Onassis’ brother proposed to my aunty on Jackie Kennedy’s yacht (she said no). But Mum visited Australia, met and married Dad – a Lebanese ‘pauper’ – and cut off from the fam.
Was it hard being a homo in that whole ethnic + posh burb + grand heritage mega-mix?
I spent 26 years denying it, while living someone else’s ‘dream’ life: senior management role, property, new sports car, more money than I needed, and I was ‘straight’ – but so unhappy. I thought ‘f*ck this’ sold everything and left for London with 3 suitcases – to a gay that is like taking one pair of socks.
What are some of the things you’d do to appear straight?
– saved all guy’s numbers under female names eg Mike was Michelle
– pretended to like sport (aside tennis)
– watched my hand movements when I talked
– wore clothes with sports references
– didn’t groom my face or body hair
You’re going on a magical mystery tour of all the PRIDE events around the world – fave so far?
I was at the Horse Meat Disco in Berlin dancing in an empty swimming pool, inside a club, with two 6ft5 drag kweens, naked people, a guy in a kimono and heels, and a girl in a military outfit. Right now I’m at Stonewall in NYC (where in 1969 the kweens, lezzers, trans, and other symmetrical babes took a stand against discrimination) – it’s gay Mecca.
And now you’re out and living your best life –
I founded a global comms agency BraySt of highly skilled creatives, media and content specialists. I work from a laptop anywhere in the world (but mainly from Soho House by the rooftop pool – hate me later, binch), loving the independent life and being who I am. Couldn’t ask for anything more – ‘cept abs and an extra 15cm of height.
Full story on Sprink
OK THEN – The Comm Cup After Party
‘Twas 7 degrees when the siren blared, signalling The Community Cup 2019 was over. The Megahertz (radiohosts) had won by a point but the Rockdogs (musicians) were happy because – as usual – we were better dressed and way better looking, which at the end of the day is what matters. After dropping stuff off at her house, Sprink discovered her team were scattered at various venues around Collingwood for the after party. THIS WOULD NOT DO:
Kerrie’s house: Red Hot Chilli Peppers were playing through the speakers “Guys, why are you killing the vibe?” asked Sprink and Mikey (DJ Joey Lightbulb) threw her a negface so Sprink (Big Bass Mama) did the helicopter with her arm summoning Rockdogs Katie (Music Vic) and Peres (Sounds Of Africa Festival). “We are going to Lulie St Tavern” Sprink yelled as they headed to the door. “Meet youse at Gaso” called Kerrie (The Rebelles).
Lulie Bar: They walked into Lulie to find 23 Megas drinking beers out of the trophy. The music was a rubbish disco EDM mix so Katie did the helicopter and three Rockdogs appeared from the shadows. “The cheersquad is at Fee Fee’s, then we go Gaso” declared Weekend (Midnight Thunderheads – below and lookin a cute lil button).
Fee Fees bar: “This is the coolest place ever” said Peres walking into the rock-n-roll bar, red fairy lights and jungle ivy hanging from the roof. They danced to Rod Stewart, Sprink posed in her leopard onesie, did another helicopter and they were off again – 8 Rockdogs in tow. “Valders (Ruby Soho), Will (Cat Empire), Gem (Jock Strap-On) and everyone are at The Tote” said Vanessa (Cake Fight).
The Tote: “The Tim fcking Rogers (You Am I) was here 2 min ago” said Rockdog manager Johnny Rock (Pretty City) “He is meeting us at Gaso”. This was a lie because Tim Rogers disappeared, never to return. “Guys – you have 5min to finish beers” Sprink decided, for the vibe was limply, and Travelling Afterparty continued to Gaso 15 dawgs strong. “I’m cold” said Violet (Fresh Violet).
The Gaso: a chorus of cheers greeted the Rockdogs. Both dance floors were packed thanks to Mikey and Calllum (DJ BeKindToOtherPeople) who were spinning. Sprink was kicked off a podium for dancing – ‘It’s not a podium” – so moved to find a proper stage and found a shirtless dance floor of Megaz and Rockdogs wiggling as one. “I bloody love the Comm Cup” said Kram (Spiderbait), then the lights came on. “Old Bar” called out Kate (Spiral Perm).
Old Bar: “I can’t keep my eyes open” complained Sprink, so she went home. At 230am. How very un-rock’n’roll!
Vintage Market @ Northcote – hot binches lookin fly and you can do it too. Dis Sprink’s fave place to dud.
Afrocentric @ Melb – a good place the wear the threads you just bought, stop drop and dance
Beers for Queers @ The Fox – with hairy ears
Fri Nights @ NGV – imma say, the NGV always nails, never fails.
Firelight Festival @ Docklands – honestly anything at Docklands is my favourite thing to never do.
Negroni Week @ Melb – is this drink technically a cocktail because it tastes mean IDONTLIKEIT
Ballarat Winter Festival @ The Rat – freeze in the rodent, then festivate
Melb Cabaret Fest @ Melb – not about wine, more about rhine (stones)
Pizza Party @ Lulie Bar, Collingwood – cuisine of choice for God.
Baby goat meditation @ Melb – zero chill
https://tagg.com.au/unlocking-the-doors-and-pearl-the-australian-janis-joplin-show/
